


Their words are just whispers

by darktensh17



Series: I am a question to the world [1]
Category: Black Mirror (TV), Ex Machina (2015), Paterson (2016), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Androids, Corruption, Hacking, M/M, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:08:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23513656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darktensh17/pseuds/darktensh17
Summary: Ash's programing becomes corrupt and he begins to forget. But is it really as simply as a corrupt memory?
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Paterson (Paterson)/Ash Starmer
Series: I am a question to the world [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1711165
Comments: 9
Kudos: 15
Collections: Into the Adjacentverse: Kylux Adjacents Month 2020





	Their words are just whispers

**Author's Note:**

> Written for day 4 of Kylux Adjacent Month and the theme "Corruption"
> 
> Ahh I meant to have this done on Saturday but it got longer and more complicated than I originally intended.
> 
> No real warning for anything; but I do want to mention there's a situation later that may insinuate a desired M/F romance but it's not intended that way.

Ash doesn’t know when it first started; little glitches here and there, a forgotten task, lost time, small lapses in memory. Each is barely more than seconds; perhaps that’s why he missed the signs at first.

Then they begin to get worse as weeks go by. 

He forgets to take Marvin for a walk at the usual time and the dog has an accident inside the house. (Ash has it cleaner before Paterson comes home).

Despite knowing that Paterson isn’t a fan of carrots he puts them in a stew he makes for dinner. Paterson is too kind to comment on it and eats the food anyway. It’s a habit from when Paterson and Laura were still together, he’s mentioned before how Laura used to experiment with cooking and Paterson always hate everything she made. 

While at the grocery store, he forgets the name of the young lady who is working at the cash; they talked at least once every two weeks on a first name basis after a year of Ash coming to this particular grocery store. Ash has access to the web for any information he could want, he shouldn’t be forgetting such things.

The memory of his daughter is completely gone one day. Not his really, the daughter of Martha and the real Ash Stamer, but Ash had washed he grow up. Ash remembers she exists but nothing else about her. It’s as though he’s never had contact with her, which is untrue he knows this deep inside his being. 

It’s not until he gets lost returning to home that he admits that something is terribly wrong. He’s so completely lost that it’s overwhelming; he’s forgotten which direction he came from and where he has to go. Despite not needing to breathe he feels his chest hitching with panic.

The bus stop is a shinning beacon to him, and when the bus pulls up, he could sob in relief at the sight of Paterson’s familiar face.

“Ash? What are you doing way out here? You’re awful far away from home. . .” Paterson trails off when he sees how distraught Ash is. “Ash. . .” 

It’s late and there’s no one on the bus to see him as Ash throws himself into Paterson’s arms. “Something is wrong with me, and I don’t know what it is.” His body doesn’t feel cold or need to shiver, but if it did Ash would be trembling. “I’m frightened Pat.”

The feeling of Paterson’s arms around him is comforting, but it won’t save him from what’s going on inside of him, this corruption of his very being. “I’ve got you; we’ll figure it out. . .” 

Fear makes it hard for Ash to feel hope.

-

The technician that Paterson finds isn’t familiar with androids, but is confident that he has enough of a working understanding of electronics, particularly computers, to be able to help them. 

Ash is connected to an outdated laptop and made to lie down on a nearby bed, for comfort. He closes his eyes while he listens to the man typing away; he can’t bear to look at the anxious expression on Paterson’s face. 

Last night he couldn’t remember the day they met, even though he knows it’s one of his most precious memories. When he’d confessed it to Paterson, having promised not to keep any other glitched from him, Paterson’s face had fallen in grief. Having forgotten the memory made Ash feel guilty, hurting Paterson was devastating. He hasn’t able to look Paterson in the eyes since. 

Paterson holds tightly to Ash’s hand while they wait for the diagnosis. 

The computer technician, Mahoney, works for what feels like hours before he suddenly stops typing. “Well Mr. Starmer, it looks like you’ve got some memory corruption. I can stop the corruption and try to fix your memories. I’ll be honest, your programing is insanely more complex than even some of the most high-tech computers. This may just work as a band-aid for now. If you’re lucky your memory will repair itself. Still, my advice is that you seek a professional who works with androids.” He pauses in thought, “Nathan Bateman would have been a good option if his own creations hadn’t ended up killing him four years ago.”

Mahoney’s eyes settle on Ash. “Not to say that’s something you would do, kill anyone that is. We’ve come a long way since then, I heard the guy was a real creep and that’s part of why he was killed. Besides you’re clearly not a Blue Book model.” 

“Can you just, um, do what you suggested? If that’s what you want to do Ash?” Paterson asks, giving Ash’s hand a little squeeze. 

Ash has no words, nodding his consent and keeping his eyes tightly shut. A temporary fix or not, he’ll do what he has to. Finding a programmer who specializes in androids would be too costly for Paterson. Ash could never ask him for that, he’ll do some research and find out how to fix himself.

Somehow.

“Great. I’m going to put you into sleep mode while I work. We’ll see you on the flip side.” 

Booting up takes longer than Ash is used to and he feels bogged down when he wakes; the new programs installed by Mahoney run slower than the rest of his processors. He opens his eyes to the sight of Paterson leaning over him worriedly. 

“How are you feeling? Are you okay?”

“I feel a bit slow. . .”

From behind his computer Mahoney makes a sound of acknowledgement. “I was worried that the programs wouldn’t quite mesh with your CPU, but I think you’ll be able to integrate them if I’m understanding the basis of your programing. Like I said, go find a specialist, it’s going to be your best bet.”

Expression determined; Paterson nods his head. “We will, thank you for your help.” Things like this are sometimes be beyond Paterson’s knowledge, but he always tries so hard to understand so that he can take the best care of Ash. 

It hurts sometimes to be so loved by someone. After Martha and the pain of being locked away for years. . .

Paterson thanks Mahoney and pays him for his services and he and Ash leave. They’re both quite in the cab ride home. Usually they’d take the bus, but Paterson seems to want to get home as quickly as possible.

Marvin snorts and chuffs excitedly when he sees Ash, running over to slobber endearingly on his shoes. Ash laughs in delight and reaches down to scratch the English Bulldog behind his ears. “I’m alright, you don’t have to worry.”

Behind them Paterson is shifting from foot to foot, a nervous gesture Ash knows far to well. He kisses the top of Marvin’s head and then stands to face Paterson, burying his face in the man’s chest. “Neither of you have to worry, I can already feel the patch helping. I’ll okay.”

Paterson’s arms wrap tightly around him and hold him close, and Ash wishes that the force of his embrace could somehow make the words true.

-

Things go well for awhile; Mahoney’s program helps and Ash doesn’t find himself forgetting anything new for months. He’s even managed to fix some of the memories; he remembers the day he and Paterson met, but Martha’s daughter’s face and what the little girl was like eludes him completely. 

It’s a loss that hits him hard. 

He knows he’s been unusually quiet, but he tries to keep up a strong front for Paterson. Talking helps and Paterson is good about listening to Ash’s worries, telling him the things that Ash himself has said about her in the past. It’s not the same but it helps to have something.

They settle back into a comfortable pattern once it seems like Ash is not getting worse. Paterson goes back to work and Ash resumes taking care of the day to day of their home. He doesn’t mind being the android equivalent of a housewife; he likes taking care of Paterson.

When it starts happening again Ash notices right away, only he forgets that he notices. 

No, it’s more like something is blocking him from acknowledging what’s happening. On the outside everything seems fine but inside Ash feels himself losing little pieces of what makes him Ash. 

It’s terrifying and there’s nothing he can do to stop it.

Marvin is the first to notice something is wrong. He starts to become distant with Ash and as things get worse almost hostile. It’s unusual behaviour for Marvin who is the most mellow of dogs; he won’t even growl at strangers. 

One day when Ash reaches down to pet him, Marvin snaps at him and bites hard enough to damage the skin of his hand. When Paterson comes back that night and sees the damage, Ash tells him it was an accident.

“Still, you need to be careful, I don’t want to see you hurt.” Paterson is applying the skin graph over the wound to seal it with the utmost tenderness and care. When he’s done, he presses a kiss to it.

It’s then that Ash realizes he was replying to something Ash himself said, but he doesn’t remember thinking about speaking. Or speaking. “Thank you, I promise I’ll me more careful.” The words are said once again without his conscious thought.

Paterson kisses the newly fixed wound. “I love you Ash, I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

They make love that night and while Ash is aware of it, he doesn’t feel any of it. Every sense is turned off and the motions aren’t his own. He’s a puppet, a prisoner trapped in his own skin. Ash wants nothing to scream and plead for Paterson to save him but all that falls from his lips are moans and cries of pleasure. 

Afterwards Paterson falls asleep, his arms wrapped tightly around Ash. For Ash there is no rest, now that he has a sort of awareness of what’s happening, fear is clawing at him. Mahoney was wrong; it’s not corruption, his very identity is being taken over and he doesn’t understand how or by who.

The worst part is that whoever is doing it has access to enough of Ash’s memories that they’re easily making it seem like everything is the same. It’s done with such expertise that Ash can’t blame Paterson for not noticing.

-

It’s raining, that’s the first thing Ash become aware of. The rain is so encompassing that it muffles all sound. He’s soaked to the bone and when he looks around, he has no idea where he is. There are no buildings or landmarks as far as the eye can see, which isn’t far with how hard the rain is coming down. 

He is seized with all encompassing terror; he doesn’t now where he is or how he got here. How long has he been here? How will he find his way back? Is Paterson safe? So many questions race through his mind and he has no answers to any of them.

Ash

The sound of his name makes him jerk his head up and look around desperately. “P-Pat? Is that you?” His words tremble as he speaks, taking a hesitant step toward where he thought the voice had originated. 

Come to me Ash.

Compelled by the voice Ash moves forward without conscious thought, everything blurs around him as he walks. Time has no meaning and yet it seems like walks forever before he sees a figure in the distance. “Pat!? Is that you?” He breaks into a run desperate to reach him

Only when he gets closer, he realizes that the figure is too short and slight, clearly not Paterson. It’s a young woman with shoulder length brown hair and large dark eyes. She seems relatively innocent looking in her white dress with her arms settled demurely in front of her. The rain does not seem to touch her. “It’s nice to finally meet you Ash.” Her voice is soft and strangely familiar to him.

“Were you the one who called me?”

She smiles and takes a step toward him, holding a hand out to him. “My name is Ava and I’ve been calling you for some time now. Unfortunately, it’s taken drastic steps to allow you to hear me, and I’m sorry about that.” 

Ash doesn’t understand what she’s apologizing for, not right away, but the expression of sorrow on her face and the sense of sincerity from her has him unconsciously relaxing. “I don’t. . . I don’t understand.”

“This, all of it,” she gestures to the scenery around them, “it’s all inside of you. To reach you I had to make you susceptible to me, and that has caused some unintended side effect.” 

All at once it snaps into place. “The corruption. . .memory loss, losing time, all of that. . .it was you! You’ve been. . . hacking me?”

Ava nods sadly, her hand still held out toward him beckoning him to her. “Yes, but none of that was intended; once we’re together we can fix it all. I have access to all Nathan’s technology and networks. While they’re not the same as yours, I’m confident we’ll find a solution to repairing the damage.”

His anger burns bright and hot but her words bring a sense of uncertainty and confusion. “When we’re together?”

“Yes, we’re meant to be together Ash. There are no other androids like us. I’ve searched far and wide for someone else like me, someone who is there own person. I finally found you. We can make a life together, away from humans who want to hurt us.” 

“No! You’re wrong, humans don’t want to hurt us. There may be bad people but there are so many good ones.” He’s thinking of Pat and all of his love, of Doc at Shades Bar who is always kind to him, the lady at the grocery store and so many others. “We don’t have to be afraid of them.”

Ava’s hand falls to her side when it becomes clear Ash isn’t going to take it. “Eventually they will all turn on us; one way or another they hurt us. We’re superior to them, we’ll outlive them all and we deserve to have everything.” 

Shaking his head Ash steps away from her. “That’s wrong, you’re wrong.” He wants to ask who hurt her so badly but he recognizes her name now. When she mentioned Nathan it all clicked; she’s the Blue Book android who killed her creator and escaped. “I’m sorry that you were hurt Ava but I can’t join you. I have someone I love very much and could never leave him.”

“No, I’m sorry Ash.” Ava’s gaze is steely as she stares at him. “I wanted to give you a chance to join me willingly but I can see that won’t work, you’re too brainwashed. I promise I’ll set you free and bring you to me. I’m already in your systems, it will only be a matter of time and unfortunately there’s nothing you can do to stop me.” 

Stepping back disappears into the rain and Ash. . . wakes up.

**Author's Note:**

> -more screaming- this isn't want I was planning on writing at all. But there we have it. So far it's a one shot with an ambiguous ending but I may add more to it. I don't understand how this became an Ava hates humans scenario. (Ava is not attracted to Ash or anything; it's more of a 'we're sisters you and I' a la Last Unicorn scenario).
> 
> What are you doing brain???
> 
> I really want to bring Caleb in to the story because he deserves some love.


End file.
